Do The Impossible

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine about the word can’t. And the word impossible. It’s so easy to believe we can’t do something. To believe we aren’t smart enough, or talented enough. Or we don’t have time.

Recently, I’m starting to realize that it has nothing to do with talent. It has everything to do with time and practice. No matter what we want to do, if we’re dedicated, and if we put in the time and effort, we can achieve it.

Case in point?

Last November, I started listening to the Peter Hollens Radio on Pandora when I wrote. I feel like he’s my sweet spot. He does YouTube Acapella covers. I love Acapella, I love covers, and I like YouTube artists. By December, I was listening to it all the time. I was hanging out with my brother, and happened to mention that I wished I could beatbox. It looks like so much fun. I’m pretty good at singing the harmonies, picking up the different vocal parts, but I couldn’t beatbox. I tried, and it was a pretty pathetic attempt.

My brother pointed out a few things, the basic sounds, and told me that it’s pretty simple.

Right. Simple. I couldn’t beatbox. It was one of those talents I just didn’t have.

A few months later, as I was driving to work, I started focusing on the acapella songs, trying to imitate the beatboxing. It was terrible. I understood the rhythm, but getting my mouth to move in that way didn’t work. But I kept going because I needed something to keep me awake on my half hour drive home after working a night shift. It’s been two months since I started trying. I get about three hours a week, half an hour to work and half an hour home.

I’m not fantastic, and I’m definitely not going to quit my day job. But the thing is… I can do it. It’s easier than I thought, once I actually put the time and practice in.

Anything is possible, as long as we are willing to do the work.

Merging Cultures

This month is my wedding anniversary month. You know what they say about June Brides.

Hubby and I have been together for quite a while. We’re coming up on a decade, which is crazy to think. I’ve spent close to a third of my life married to him. I’m not complaining. I like it a lot.

But after all that time, I guess I assumed that we’ve adapted to one another enough that we don’t get surprised. Yes, I was that naïve.

Recently, we had something come up that really made me realize how different we really are. I have a CNA at work who’s Bolivian, and we tease him a lot because his favorite phrase is “It’s okay.” About everything. He’s so easygoing that he really lives that way. Nothing ruffles him, nothing stresses him.

My husband is the same way. It really should be his motto too: “It’s okay.”

I don’t live that way. I get stressed a lot, and I’m a perfectionist. Okay isn’t good enough for me. It needs to be right, and it needs to be planned and prepared. Usually, my uptight manner doesn’t clash with his easygoing one too much. Then there are moments when they explode into something we can barely contain.

Recently, we had his cousin and his best friend over for a visit, and I realized all of them were the same way. They were able to go with the flow, adjust without sweating it. I’m sure it’s part of their culture, where they understand that they can’t control everything. In fact, that’s something my husband has to remind me more often than he should. In the US, we’re so focused on getting things done, on staying busy. We don’t really stop to relax, not like we should.

On our first date, he took me to a park. It was fall, and all of the leaves have changed color, and the ones on the ground crunched under our feet. After a little while, he grabbed my hand and asked me where we were going. I was surprised. I hadn’t really thought about it.

“I don’t know,” I said.

He gave me a sweet smile and asked, “Then can we slow down and just enjoy it?”

I’m glad I have someone who’s willing to teach me to enjoy life. Our differences in culture and background makes us a stronger couple, especially when we can find a way to make them work together. 

DNR

I’m a nurse in a long term care facility. It’s not always the easiest of jobs, but it’s one that makes me feel like I make a difference.

Recently, I’ve had a lot of situations where I’ve had to explain the concept of DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) to families and patients. It’s something that seems to have a bad reputation, and I wish there was a way to stop the stigma that comes with it.

In Idaho, we have a form known as a POST – (Physician Orders for Scope of Treatment). In it, the patient can decide what they want to happen if for some reason they can’t make decisions at that point. It’s similar to a medical living will, though it tends to be more specific. Each state has something similar.

Resuscitate or DNR? Now it seems like the obvious answer would be Resuscitate. Why let someone die when you could bring them back? Resuscitate means CPR, it means chest compressions, breathing, AEDs… everything possible to keep them alive. Chest compressions aren’t gentle. It’s literally forcing your body to breathe when it isn’t.

For someone who’s healthy, it’s painful. For someone who’s ninety-years-old, it could be a worse alternative. Or their body might not even be able to handle the stress. There’s a very real possibility of cracked ribs, of increased pain when they revive. If they’re intubated (tubing forced down their throat to breathe for them), and they wake up, there are many elderly patients who never come off of it. Obviously there are exceptions, but the older you are, and the higher number of diseases and comorbidities, the less your body is going to be able to recuperate from it.

Often, it isn’t the patient’s wish to stay alive. It’s their family, who doesn’t want to watch them die. It’s hard for me as a nurse, to explain to them that it’s going to be painful. I’ve had so many patients who just wish for death, but their family won’t let them go. I had one patient whose daughter, as the power of attorney, disregarded all of her mother’s wishes, putting her on oxygen, on antibiotics, on everything to keep her alive.

When faced with that kind of a decision, I think the most important question to ask is: what kind of quality of life do they have? Will they be hooked to the machine for the rest of their lives, having it breathe for them? Maybe they aren’t eating. Is giving them nutrients through a feeding tube worth it? Can they handle the stress of getting a tube placed?

It isn’t an easy decision, and every situation is different, but I hope the families remember that sometimes life isn’t living, especially when there’s nothing to look forward to. Sometimes, a patient wants to have relief, not necessarily life.

Writing Retreat

Two weeks ago, one of my writing buddies and I decided that we needed to focus on our writing. We need some days of uninterrupted writing time. We were able to use an old farm home, one with no internet and no TV. For three days, all we did was write and talk. Yes, the talking was important, and we were able to connect better, and talk about our lives and frustrations, but the best part was the writing.

Over those three days, I got almost thirty hours of writing done. A lot can be accomplished in thirty hours.

For example:

I finished the cut draft of the last six chapters of Commissioned. And I typed it all up. (Ended up being a little over 28,000 words total edited. And I cut 10% of the entire novel, which is awesome!)

I finished fixing the major plot point errors for two thirds of Hooked. Basically I fixed everything so that now I can go back and do the fine point revision. Beautifying, not fixing. (60,000 words) That’s going to be my goal for July, to get that puppy sparkling so I can send it out to Betas in August.

I finally outlined the final book in the series, which means I now have an ending! It took a lot of struggling, mostly because I felt like after so many epic battles that I’ve already written, this one’s got to exceed all of them. I think I figured out a way to do that. Now for the second draft. Yes, that’s right, I do multiple drafts of outlines before writing. That’s how I can write a 90,000 word novel in 14 days. It’s planning down to an art.

I also started working on character bios for another book I hope to write in November. It’s a retelling of Jack and the Beanstalk, and I’ve been excited to actually start planning it. It’s very different from anything I’ve written before, but that’s the point of NaNoWriMo. I always push myself to try something I’ve never done before.

I wrote four weeks’ worth of blog posts. That’s right, I’ve got a schedule, and I’m keeping to it! No need to worry about it until July. (Ironically, I wrote this post there)

Let’s see… I also wrote the first chapter for that collaborative work I told you about last week. Once that was ready, I sent it out to the group to see what they thought.

And in my free time, I read a book.

Sometimes I need to just let the creative side flow. And having a friend to do it with me doesn’t hurt either. The amazing thing, was that five or six hours could pass by without me even realizing it.  When our brains needed a break, we’d stop and talk, but then we’d get right back to it.

So yes, definitely a productive retreat. I can’t wait to do it again.

I’m Not Asian

Have you ever heard of the phrase impostor syndrome? The one where you feel like you’re faking something and people would be upset with you if they knew the truth? It’s common, especially when someone starts a new career. When I first became a nurse, I felt like I didn’t know anything, and that people would get upset with me if they realized how little I knew.

Sometimes I feel that way about being Asian too. I look the part, there’s no denying it. I’m petite, with dark hair and dark eyes.

But there’s so many things that I can’t rely on genes for. So many things that makes me feel like I’m not as Asian as people think. Yes, I play the piano, and I skipped a grade or two of math. Yes, I took advanced classes in high school, and speak two languages. But none of that has to do with being Asian. It has to do with my parents and how they raised me. Many of my cousins, ones who are definitely not Asian have accomplished the same feat.

Then I look at the things I can’t do. I’m absolutely useless with chopped sticks. My second language isn’t Japanese, it’s Spanish. I can’t code, and my Bolivian husband is the one who deals with electronics.

Except are those Asian things? Or just stereotypes? It’s hard to know.

I recently had a conversation with someone over twitter, one that really got me thinking. She said that when people ask her, she says that she’s Asian and makes them ask why she doesn’t consider herself an American. I’m the opposite. I tell them I’m an American, and most of them ask why not Asian.

But then there are days when I feel more Asian than American. It’s nice that there’s the option for both. I’m an Asian-American.

Nursing Shortages

Recently, I heard rumors of a nursing program that might not be able to support its nursing students for much longer in my area. It’s disappointing to say the least, but it also casts a very real light on the issues with nursing shortages.

About a year ago, I went to a training for nursing management within the state of Idaho. We talked about many different things, and one of the things that really stuck out to me was the reality of nursing shortages. There’s so many different levels that cause it, and when added together, it looks disastrous.

First, we’ve got a lot of nurses who are thinking about retiring. These are the baby boomers, the ones who’ve kept in the field their entire careers. We can’t keep them forever, and as they start to retire, there’s a lot more openings that are going to start appearing in the nursing field.

Second, there’s not enough graduates coming into nursing. The projection they gave was that there’s double the number of nurses retiring than nurses entering the field. Why is that? I feel like I’m always talking to someone who wants to get into a nursing program, who wants to study nursing. With all the desire, why don’t we have enough nurses to fill the void left by our veteran nurses?

Here’s where the statistics get a little more concerning. We don’t have enough nursing instructors. When I was at Saint Louis University, the majority of our instructors were close to retiring. One even came back from retirement because there wasn’t anyone else to teach the subject. Unfortunately, most nurses who graduate with a degree want to work in the field. Plus, there’s a better chance to rise in ranks and earn more money. New nurses don’t have the experience or the desire to teach, they want to get in the field and experience it themselves.

The retired nurses, the lack of graduates, and the depletion of nursing instructors creates a very real crisis. I’m seeing more and more ads for nurses, and recently, I’m seeing almost double the number of recruiters contacting me about positions with high benefits and sign on bonuses. Personally, I feel like the nursing shortage is a real thing, and some areas, like long term, are getting hit the worst, especially as more and more baby boomers become ill and need assistance.

Collaboration

One of the things that I’ve come to love over the past few years is having a strong writing group. Having other people who understand what I go through makes me continue to work at the craft, no matter how hard it gets. They also challenge me to try new things, ones that I might not have tried otherwise.

Recently, I started a brand new project, one that’s definitely unique to my writing experience. I’m working on a collaborative effort. Five of us have come together, created our own characters, and have started plotting the world within we want to create our story. We’re a guinea pig group for a publishing company, experimenting with whether or not writing together, and critiquing our writing as we go can help us as writers.

I’ve got to say, it’s a whole different beast. There’s a lot of compromise, and a lot of discussion that goes into it. I can’t control what kind of characters they have, just like they can’t tell me what kind of character I have. We went into this without any idea of what we’re doing, and I’ve got to say…

I’m really having fun with it. Yes, there’s misunderstandings, different things that I would like to change, but I’m happy with the results we’ve got so far. Plus, the amazing thing about having all of our backgrounds in the story means that it’s diverse without even meaning to be. We have characters from across the world, as well as from the US. We have different motivations, different reactions to just about everything we’re going to throw at them.

The one thing about collaborating with someone else is that we have to plan a lot. We have to know what direction we’re going in, and the rules that each of our characters have to follow. And we have to make sure that we’re communicating our thoughts effectively with one another so that we’re all on the same page.

I hope to let you know when this is ready to read! It’s definitely fun to work on!