Merging Cultures

This month is my wedding anniversary month. You know what they say about June Brides.

Hubby and I have been together for quite a while. We’re coming up on a decade, which is crazy to think. I’ve spent close to a third of my life married to him. I’m not complaining. I like it a lot.

But after all that time, I guess I assumed that we’ve adapted to one another enough that we don’t get surprised. Yes, I was that naïve.

Recently, we had something come up that really made me realize how different we really are. I have a CNA at work who’s Bolivian, and we tease him a lot because his favorite phrase is “It’s okay.” About everything. He’s so easygoing that he really lives that way. Nothing ruffles him, nothing stresses him.

My husband is the same way. It really should be his motto too: “It’s okay.”

I don’t live that way. I get stressed a lot, and I’m a perfectionist. Okay isn’t good enough for me. It needs to be right, and it needs to be planned and prepared. Usually, my uptight manner doesn’t clash with his easygoing one too much. Then there are moments when they explode into something we can barely contain.

Recently, we had his cousin and his best friend over for a visit, and I realized all of them were the same way. They were able to go with the flow, adjust without sweating it. I’m sure it’s part of their culture, where they understand that they can’t control everything. In fact, that’s something my husband has to remind me more often than he should. In the US, we’re so focused on getting things done, on staying busy. We don’t really stop to relax, not like we should.

On our first date, he took me to a park. It was fall, and all of the leaves have changed color, and the ones on the ground crunched under our feet. After a little while, he grabbed my hand and asked me where we were going. I was surprised. I hadn’t really thought about it.

“I don’t know,” I said.

He gave me a sweet smile and asked, “Then can we slow down and just enjoy it?”

I’m glad I have someone who’s willing to teach me to enjoy life. Our differences in culture and background makes us a stronger couple, especially when we can find a way to make them work together. 

The Strain of Caregiving

I’ve been exhausted this month.  Not normal exhausted.  Not I’ve been writing every spare moment exhausted.  I’ve been feeling tension and stress more than I have in a long time.

At first I thought that maybe it was work.

Then, a few days ago, I realized what it was.  I was exhausted because of the novel I’m working on this month.  It’s about a family who’s dealing with a grandfather who has Alzheimer’s and hasn’t been diagnosed yet.  It’s exhausting to write: not just physically, but mentally and emotionally.

Working with Alzheimer’s is unpredictable, and when you don’t know what’s causing the strange outbursts of the odd behaviors, it can cause high family tension.  I’ve seen it more times than I can count.  I feel that in my time as a nurse with Alzheimer’s and Dementia patients, I’ve seen families fall into usually one of two categories.  Either they’re very involved, and constantly vising their family member, or they rarely visit and are difficult to get a hold of.

I honestly can’t imagine what it would be like to experience it firsthand.  I’ve seen it through the eyes of a caretaker, as a nurse.  I know that it’s painful and difficult for everyone, and they all respond to the disease differently.  For some, it’s showering their parents with attention, for others, the change is too painful, and they withdraw.

I’m only experiencing it secondhand from a fictional character, and I’m emotionally and mentally drained.  Trying to keep up, sort through the accusations, the anger, the behavior… it’s exhausting.

It’s amazing how much of an impact that Alzheimer’s plays in our lives.  Did you know that it’s one of the top ten diseases and it’s the only one without a cure?  Think about that.  That means hundreds of thousands of people deal with it every day without any hope of improving. 

If any of you are experiencing it right now, I hope you know how much I respect you for what you’re going through.  Please make sure that you have a good support system – one that can take care of you as you care for your loved one.

Provided by the Us Against Alzheimer's Foundation

Working on Multiple Projects

I have a question for all of you.

Do you work on multiple projects at once? 

I tend to work on one at a time, but once I finish a draft, I move to the next one.  However, this month has been a bit odd for me.  I don’t know if it’s that I’ve got enough going on that I feel like I’m jumping from one thing to another without any clear direction.  Maybe I’m losing my ability to multitask.  Or maybe I’m using it too much.  I don’t know.

In April, I finished my Blue WIP, and now it’s up for critiques.  I’ve been getting some awesome feedback, and I love it.  While I wait for the critiques to finish, I’ve been trying to use May to work on revising my Yellow WIP.  As much as I’m enjoying this one, (and trust me, it’s one of my favorites) I’m having a hard time concentrating on it. 

Actually, it’s not as much a matter of concentrating.  It’s a matter of getting down to work.  Every time that I start a section, I get so caught up, I keep reading to the end.  I think I’ve read the whole thing three times this month already.  I love these characters and the story, but I can’t concentrate on it enough to focus on revisions. 

Whenever I’m working on a novel, the characters take up residence in my brain.  In my spare time, or when I have a chance to stare out the window, I let them bumble around in there.  They tell me what their story needs or if there are any changes that need to be made.

Except this time, the characters from the Blue WIP haven’t moved out.  They’re fighting over space in my brain and I feel torn between the two stories.

So now I’m wondering how all of you deal with it.  Do you work on multiple projects at once?  How do you bounce from one to another?

So Little Time

Ever wished you had more hours in the day?  I know I always do.  Though I’d probably just use them to get more sleep. 

Recently, I’ve been finding myself trying to balance even more as I take on extra projects.  I’ve been doing a lot more critiquing, a lot more reading, and I’ve been participating in Camp NaNoWriMo.  Between those, researching and querying agents, the extra overtime at work and the housework that somehow doesn’t always get done, I know why I feel as though there’s a lot on my plate.

Ever feel like your time's getting eaten by a giant caterpillar? 

Despite that, I’m loving this.  I feel like I’m finally getting my stride, forming the habits that I need to continue.  Writing does have a way of consuming just about everything.  Driving to work, I think about my characters.  There are days when they don’t stop chattering in my head.  When I can’t sleep at night (a common side effect of working night shift) I stay up late and do critiquing.  During my lunch break, I pull out a book and read. 

Even this morning, I cleaned the front rooms of my house, so at least I’m not completely slacking on that department.

The secret is finding the time.  Those fifteen minutes that could have been wasted on something else.  The moments of insomnia where I could be tossing and turning in bed.  The lunch break where I could be watching random shows on the TV.  It’s a matter of knowing what to use my time on.  What do I want to focus on?

Plus, setting clear goals helps immensely.  That’s why I love the Camp NaNoWriMo.  I can keep track of my progress throughout the month.  In fact, I’m 4,000 short of completing my goal of 50,000 words revised of the Blue WIP. 

I’ve heard that there’s a way to do the same thing in Scrivener, but I don’t want to set a goal as to how many words need to be in a specific scene or chapter.  Does anyone know how to just set a goal for a specific time and add to it?

We’ve all got the same amount of time.  What matters is how we use it.

Burnout

The past month has been pretty grueling.  Workwise.  I’m to the point where I’ve worked at least 6 hours every single day over the past two weeks – some days culminating in up to 12 hours.  Because I work nights, it’s hard to get a day that’s really off.  And yes, I’ve been a bit frustrated about it.

Right now, I’m experiencing what nurses call burnout.  What happens when someone is worked so hard, given so few breaks that it’s hard to focus…or care.  Which is something that I hate.  I’m a nurse because I love nursing, I love being there for the patients, and knowing that I can make a difference.  So when I’m exhausted to the point that I don’t care, I know that I need to get away.  I need to step away, focus on something else – especially myself.

Burnout happens quite frequently because of the nature of nursing.  There’s a lot that’s expected, including keeping people alive.  And there can be days that are so stressful you want to scream.  Even at nights. 

Unfortunately, burnout doesn’t happen in just nursing.  It can happen to anyone who doesn’t balance their lives.  Too much of anything can be bad.  Too much physical, too much sleep… the body needs balance. 

In my health class, I remember learning about the five areas of development.  Physical, mental, intellectual, emotional, spiritual.  Each area is important, and we need to learn how to focus them. 

Right now, I’m feeling a bit lopsided, too much physical and emotional, not enough spiritual or mental.  For me, the best balance for nursing is writing.  It’s a chance to sit down, focus on my thoughts, be with myself.  I’m an introvert, which is not an option when nursing.  I’m always speaking with doctors, patients, family members, even other nurses.  No matter how much I’m working, I always come into contact with other people.  So it’s nice to come home, curl up and spend some time with my imaginary friends.

I just wish we could spend some time together.

How do you keep balance in your life?

Why I Write

The ending of 2013 was a bit rocky, though I think I’ve figured out why.  I stopped writing.  Life got pretty hectic and I felt like I had to set something aside, and writing was what I chose.  December was a terrible month, but after a long talk with my dad over the holidays, I realized that writing is my escape. 

When life gets hectic, the last thing to do is desert the thing that releases stress.  While driving to my parents’ house and back, I began writing again, and I remembered everything that I love about writing.

Going back to my stories is like greeting old friends.  I know these characters inside and out.  I know their struggles and their needs, and I want to cheer for them as they pursue their goals.  These characters make up a large part of my life.  And I know that it sounds weird saying that since technically they aren’t real.  But they’re real to me. 

Writing is a way for me to connect with my subconscious.  My creativity.  My inner child.  The part of my mind that doesn’t stress about passing medications on time or whether or not someone needs a catheter changed.  A section that doesn’t notice the laundry that’s piling up or the dishes lying in the sink.  In that part of my mind, I don’t remember the health problems that bring me down or the disappointment that make me want to cry.  It’s the chance to feel new and renewed, experiencing life for the first time and in a new world where I can control everything that happens.  I know that things will work out, even if it’s an imaginary struggle.  It still feels like a victory when it’s over.

When I write, I create.  I make a difference that I can see.  That’s not always possible in the rest of life.  As a nurse, sometimes, I get discouraged, knowing that there’s only so much that I can do for someone.  The human body is unpredictable, constantly changing.  At home, no matter what I do, there’s always something else that needs attention.  But when I write, I can see the changes, the increase in word count, the building of chapter upon chapter.  And no matter what happens, whether I need to rewrite it or not, it’s there.  I’ve saved it and it’s not going to disappear.  It’s not going to change. 

I need writing.  I need to allow that part of myself freedom to create and to flow.  When I suppress it, the rest of my life suffers and I struggle to focus. 

Why do you write?

Writing Under Stress

Recently, I’ve been put under quite a bit of stress.  And I’m having a hard time dealing with it.  It’s something that’s affecting all aspects of my life – sleeping, eating, working, and basically functioning.  I’m one of those people who don’t thrive under that kind of pressure.  Choosing a college, taking the SAT’s, Finals, clinicals, taking boards, finding a job… Those are all kinds of things that I can’t control.  And really, that’s what I struggle with.  If I can’t control the stress, then I don’t know how to deal with it.

I have found ways to de-stress myself.  Things that help me remove myself from the situation.  Things like sitting at the piano and banging on the keys until I’m too tired to think anymore.  Or baking.  Sometimes even cleaning. 

But there has always been one sure way of removing stress.  At least for me.  And that’s writing.  Escaping into a new world, where everything I’m struggling with doesn’t exist, helps me remove myself from myself.  If that makes any sense.  No matter what my trials are, I always know that theirs are worse.  And that’s because I make it so. 

It’s that little matter of saying, ‘I’m having a hard time at work?  Let’s see how you deal with an entire town burning your house down.’  I think the characters overcome more trials when I’m stressed just because I need to see it work out for someone.  I can put them through whatever it takes as long as they can work through it at some point.

What are some of the trials you’ve put your characters through?  Do you find writing stressful or a way to de-stress?