My husband and I come from two very different cultures. We listened to different music, ate different
food and spoke different languages growing up.
We met in a 3rd culture (a different country for both of us)
and those differences didn’t really seem to matter. In an essence, we were both “strangers in a
strange land.”
After we got married, we moved back to the US – my culture –
and that’s when I realized how different we really are. Once I was back home, and able to buy the
foods that I liked, we began to have some problems.
At first, he thought everything I made for meals was
weird. And after a while, he bought
jalapeños and hot sauces to help him enjoy my cooking more.
For me, it was hard to believe him when he told me that he
really enjoyed the food – after he added jalapeños, hot sauces and salt to
it. I didn’t think he could taste
anything I cooked – especially with his new flavoring to it!
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| Husband's Jalapeños |
But after I thought about it, I realized that it’s not only
our backgrounds that make us enjoy different things. It’s our personalities as well.
He likes action while I like romances. He’s into sports and I’m into music.
Everyone has different tastes and preferences. Even if they like the same thing, their take
can be immensely different.
So why do I bring this up?
This week, as I’ve been editing, I’m going through comments
and critiques from various readers. Some
think the romance is too obvious while others want more. Some say my description needs work, while
others say it’s perfect. Every reader
wants something different.
My red WIP is a fantasy, but it also includes romance, a
strong relationship between father and son, numerous children and an
unintentional commentary of government.
I even had one reader who wanted more out of the animals in the story.
It’s always important for me, as a writer, to remember that
everyone’s tastes are different. They
may very well prefer to have the literary jalapeños and hot sauces along with
what I’ve written. And ultimately, it is
my story is mine.
All critiques and comments are suggestions. Most of them are fantastic advice that makes
my writing so much more effective. But I
also have to remember that I don’t have to take every suggestion. If I did, my story would no longer be
mine. Even with every change I make, I
still have to be true to MY story. I can’t
force something that doesn’t feel natural.
The readers will notice. And if
it’s no longer my story, then why should I tell it?
So although I love betas, and I always value their opinions,
I take each suggestion with a grain of salt.
Or perhaps with some jalapeños and hot sauce.
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| Multiple hot sauces for any occasion |
I know what you mean. I adore my CPs, but sometimes, their comments have me screaming at my computer screen.
ReplyDeleteBut, after a few moments, I remember they're acting in my best interests and that the one person who can decide what to accept and what to reject is me.
So that's what I do. I choose to disregard some bits of advice, and accept if someone disregards my advice. :-)
Exactly! My betas always want to help me improve, but I have to make sure that even when taking their advice, I stay true to my own writing and voice.
DeleteThis is why your husband and my dad get along.
ReplyDeleteThat, and the Spanish, I think.
DeleteSo very very true! When I first started letting others read my work, I quickly had to learn to filter through the feedback so my work would remain my own and to avoid going nuts when people would say opposite things :-P
ReplyDeleteI think this is why it's good to get more than one opinion at a time. Then you can see if multiple people agree.
DeleteSo true. I know I've let people influence me to change things before only to go back later and realize how I first had it fit my story/style better.
ReplyDeleteIs your husband Hispanic? Mine is. He was raised in the US, but his family is from Mexico and sometimes we have culture clashes too :)
He's actually Bolivian. We met while I was studying in Spain. So we have the three cultures interspersed. :)
DeleteSo true! Most critiques are about the critiquer, not the work. Your husband's hot sauce needs are about him and his culture, not your cooking. We need to learn to ignore 90% of criticism and listen only to the stuff that gives us that "aha" moment--when we already knew there was a problem, but we didn't know what it was.
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog!
Thank you! I think you're right, it's about 90% that doesn't apply, but we still need to search for that 10% that helps us improve.
Delete