On Monday, I mentioned how I wanted to talk about Jodi Picoult's Small Great Things this
week.
When I first started the book, I honestly thought it was from
the 50's. The white supremist family felt off to me, because I don't deal with
it on a regular basis. Ruth seemed to take offense with everything, and acted
like people treated her differently because of her race.
The more I thought about it though, the more I realize that
it still happens. I don't deal with the same kind of racism, just because I'm
Asian, not black. Even so, I do deal with prejudice from my patients
constantly. Not just my patients, but from my workplaces as well.
I honestly can't count the number of times that someone has
said something that I've blown off. I heard them, and I always assumed that
they didn't mean any harm by it. I've had patients call me the 'Little Chinese
girl' and 'that Asian one,' and I even had one sweet patient call me his
'Little Indian' every single night. For me, it almost felt like a distinction.
I am Asian, I'm not going to deny it. If they don't remember my name, then it's
an easy way to describe me.
Then there's the ones who aren't quite so nice. I've been
screamed out of a patient's room and as I left, her closing comment was
"Get out of here... Yoko!" Which for me, didn't hold quite the same
impact. I wasn't alive during the Beatles' time, and I have no idea if people
actually hated Yoko Ono, or if it was the only Asian my patient knew. I've been
called a Jap before, which, again, because I was exposed to very little racism
growing up (I think in large part due to my parents), it doesn't sting the way
I know it should.
I had one patient who was very sweet to me, but when I
returned to work the next day, I was given all the same patients back -- except
for her. Her family had stated that no Asians could take care of her. It wasn't
put in the chart, I don't think, but it felt a little strange to me. She'd let
me take care of her the night before, and I felt I had done a good job. Her
family took me aside and told me that I didn't need to feel bad, because for
some reason, seeing me gave the patient flashbacks to WWII.
Here's the thing. I never feel guilty. If someone has an
issue with my race, or the way I look, I'm not going to apologize. I'm not
going to assume that it's my fault. It's such an odd way to look at things, to
think that the person who's receiving the prejudice might feel guilty.
Along with the obvious signs, there's also some odd things
that have happened with some of the management that I've worked for. I remember
very clearly arriving to work one night when a patient had been admitted. No
one had started the admission, and they decided to give the patient to me. The
reason? He didn't speak English. Which is fine. I speak Spanish, but it turned
out the patient didn't speak Spanish, he spoke a very rare dialect from a South
Asian country. He couldn't mime because he was blind, and it was assumed that I
would have an easier time doing his admission.
Why?
Obviously because we're both Asian.
I'll admit, I joke about it a lot. I don't get offended. I
tried, about a year ago, and it was exhausting. To assume that everyone has an
ulterior motive, or to assume that everything that someone says is a jab at my
race or said to be rude. My husband and I enjoy being different, and we accept
that we are. I believe that's why, when I started Small Great Things, I was
confused. I didn't see racism because I didn't focus on it, even though it's
all around me.
I'm sure there's a fine line. I do need to recognize when
it's inappropriate, but in the workplace, a lot of times, there's nothing I can
say or do to change it. My patients... well, they still need care. In a day or
two, I'll probably never see them again. Besides, I need them to like me, just
so that I can get good reviews and avoid the situation that played out in small
Great Things.
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